Miscarriages are one of the great mysteries of life. No one knows for sure what causes them for the majority of the cases. We know a few things that can contribute to them but most of them are mysteries. In any case, here is a very helpful article excerpt that I think you might want to see:
This is not intended to be the absolute word on the subject, but rather a gauge for the unexpected emotions felt by parents who have suffered this type of loss. Most of the parents I have spoken to agreed that the uncertainty of their grief was frightening and may have been alleviated had they known what to expect.
Friends and family may also benefit from reading this over so they might understand the special kinds of pain and emotions involved in this type of loss and allow them to be expressed.
"THE TRUTH IS..."
The truth ISN'T that you will feel "all better" in a couple of days, or weeks, or even months.
The truth IS that the days will be filled with an unending ache and the nights will feel one million sad years long for a while. Healing is attained only after the slow necessary progression through the stages of grief and mourning.
The truth isn't that a new pregnancy will help you forget.
The truth is that, while thoughts of a new pregnancy soon may provide hope, a lost infant deserves to be mourned just as you would have with anyone you loved. Grieving takes a lot of energy and can be both emotionally and physically draining. This could have an impact upon your health during another pregnancy. While the decision to try again is a very individualized one, being pregnant while still actively grieving is very difficult.
The truth isn't that pills or alcohol will dull the pain.
The truth is that they will merely postpone the reality you must eventually face in order to begin healing. However, if Your doctor feels that medication is necessary to help maintain your health, use it intelligently and according to his/her instructions. The truth isn't that once this is over your life will be the same.
The truth is that your upside-down world will slowly settle down, hopefully leaving you a more sensitive, compassionate person, better prepared to handle the hard times that everyone must deal with sooner or later. When you consider that you have just experienced one of the worst things that can happen to a family, as you heal you will become aware of how strong you are.
The truth isn't that grieving is morbid, or a sign of weakness or mental instability.
The truth is that grieving is work that must be done. Now is the appropriate time. Allow yourself the time. Feel it, flow with it. Try not to fight it too often. It will get easier if you expect that it is variable, that some days are better than others. Be patient with yourself. There are no short cuts to healing. The active grieving will be over when all the work is done.
The truth isn't that grief is all-consuming.
The truth is that in the midst of the most agonizing time of your life, there will be laughter. Don't feel guilty. Laugh if you want to. Just as you must allow yourself the time to grieve, you must also allow yourself the time to laugh.Viewing laughter as part of the healing process, just as overwhelming sadness is now, will make the pain more bearable. The truth isn't that one person can bear this alone.
The truth is that while only you can make the choices necessary to return to the mainstream of life a healed person, others in your life are also grieving and are feeling very helpless. As unfair as it may seem, the burden of remaining in contact with family and friends often falls on you. They are afraid to "butt in," or they may be fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. This makes them feel even more helpless. They need to be told honestly what they can do to help. They don't need to be told, "I'm doing fine" when you're really NOT doing fine. By allowing others to share in your pain and assist you with your needs, you will be comforted and they will feel less helpless.
The truth isn't that God must be punishing you for something.
The truth is that sometimes these things just happen. They have happened to many people before you, and they will happen to many people after you. This was not an act of any God; it was an act of Nature. It isn't fair to blame God, or yourself, or anyone else. Try to understand that it is human nature to look for a place to put the blame, especially when there are so few answers to the question, "Why?" Sometimes there are answers. Most times there are not. Believing that you are being punished will only get in the way of your healing. The truth isn't that you will be unable to make any choices or decisions during this time.
The truth is that while major decisions, such as moving or changing jobs, are better off being postponed for now, life goes on. It will be difficult, but decisions dealing with the death of your baby (seeing and naming the baby, arranging and/or attending a religious ritual, taking care of the nursery items you have acquired) are all choices you can make for yourself. Well-meaning people will try to shelter you from the pain of this. However, many of us who have suffered similar losses agree that these first decisions are very important. They help to make the loss real. Our brains filter out much of the pain early on as a way to protect us. Very soon after that, we find ourselves reliving the events over and over, trying to remember everything. This is another way that we acknowledge the loss. Until the loss is real, grieving cannot begin. Being involved at this early time will be a painful experience, but it will help you deal with your grief better as you progress by providing comforting memories of having performed loving, caring acts for your baby.
The truth isn't that you will be delighted to hear that a friend or other loved one has just given birth to a healthy baby.
The truth is that you may find it very difficult to be around mothers with young babies. You may be hurt, or angry, or jealous. You may wonder why you couldn't have had that joy. You may be resentful, or refuse to see friends with new babies. You may even secretly wish that the same thing would happen to someone else. You want someone to understand how it feels. You may also feel very ashamed that you could wish such things on people you love or care about, or think that you must be a dreadful person. You aren't. You're human, and even the most loving people can react this way when they are actively grieving. If the situations were reversed, your friends would be feeling and thinking the same things you are. Forgive yourself. It's OK. These feelings will eventually go away. The truth isn't that all marriages survive this difficult time.
The truth is that sometimes you might blame one another, resent one another, or dislike being with one another. If you find this happening, get help. There are self-help groups available or grief counselors who can help. Don't ignore it or tuck it away assuming it will get better. It won't. Actively grieving people cannot help one another. It is unrealistic, like having two people who were blinded at the same time teach each other Braille. Talking it out with others may help. It might even save your marriage.
The truth isn't that eventually you will accept the loss of your baby and forget all about this awful time.
The truth is that acceptance is a word reserved for the understanding you come to when you've successfully grieved the loss of a parent, or a grandparent, or a beloved older relative. When you lose a child, your whole future has been affected, not your past. No one can really accept that. But there is resolution in the form of healing and learning how to cope. You will survive. Many of us who have gone through this type of grief are afraid we might forget about our babies once we begin to heal. This won't happen. You will always remember your precious baby because successful grieving carves a place in your heart where he or she will live forever.
A Mother's Prayer/ Affirmation After Miscarriage
In this time of loss I call upon my spirit within to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion.
I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing.
During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my inner spirit but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort.
I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attentio to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely.
I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence.
In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing.
Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly.
Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me.
Let me find healing in the belief that this oul knew my love for it and that that love helped it to pass to another place.
Let me honor this short life not only with my love but in finding meaning in its existence.
Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who've experienced loss.
Let a part of this soul be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know it through them.
I will listen to and trust the place in my deepest heart that tells me I will once again be reunited with this soul and will fulfill the need to hold it in my arms.
I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there is a star in heaven that belongs to me.
by Stacey Dinner-Levin http://www.ivf.com/misc.html
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
If Mom Smokes, Her Preemie Won't Sleep
This post was contributed by Kelly Kilpatrick, who writes on the subject of a college for licensed practical nurse She invites your feedback at kellykilpatrick24 at gmail dot com
For mothers who smoke, the risk of a pre-term birth is extraordinarily high. Most of us know this, what's interesting is the results of a new study in the journal Sleep that show these pre-term babies are also at substantial risk for sleep disruptions so profound, they may cause developmental delays later in later childhood.
So, babies born to mothers who are considered heavy smokers are at risk for far more than low birth weight we've known about for some time.
According to the study:
"Results indicate that pre-term neonates born to heavy-smoking mothers who smoked more than 10 cigarettes per day displayed disrupted sleep structure and sleep continuity. From 7:00 PM to 8:00 AM they slept almost 2 hours less than controls who were born to nonsmoking mothers, and their sleep was more fragmented."
This is a frightening revelation because of the importance of sleep to babies. At a time of incredible growth and development, much of which happens during sleep, infants exposed cigarette smoke before they're born may not be developing properly. And, because preemies tend to sleep in short bursts rather than long periods like full-term babies, it becomes increasingly obvious the devastating impact smoking can have on a baby born too soon.
These include breathing problems such as sleep apnea (when an infant stops breathing for a moment) and respiratory infection. If your infant can't breathe properly, they can't get enough oxygen for optimal brain function.
Smoking during pregnancy is not healthy but increasingly, research shows that the harmful side effects of smoking may affect a baby well into early childhood and "may increase the chances for attention deficit disorder and impulsivity." Complications once attributed to low birth weight (itself often caused by smoking) seem to now be linked as much to prenatal exposure to cigarette smoke.
We should also note that, while the mother's habits most directly affect an unborn fetus, those around her are responsible as well. Prolonged exposure to any secondhand smoke is not ideal for a pregnant woman and no one should be allowed to smoke near a premature infant.
When all is said and done, smoking is a bad habit for everyone. If you are pregnant, ask your physician about smoking cessation programs that will help you break this destructive cycle. There are many wonderful programs to help you quit. Do it for your baby – and do it for yourself as well.
For mothers who smoke, the risk of a pre-term birth is extraordinarily high. Most of us know this, what's interesting is the results of a new study in the journal Sleep that show these pre-term babies are also at substantial risk for sleep disruptions so profound, they may cause developmental delays later in later childhood.
So, babies born to mothers who are considered heavy smokers are at risk for far more than low birth weight we've known about for some time.
According to the study:
"Results indicate that pre-term neonates born to heavy-smoking mothers who smoked more than 10 cigarettes per day displayed disrupted sleep structure and sleep continuity. From 7:00 PM to 8:00 AM they slept almost 2 hours less than controls who were born to nonsmoking mothers, and their sleep was more fragmented."
This is a frightening revelation because of the importance of sleep to babies. At a time of incredible growth and development, much of which happens during sleep, infants exposed cigarette smoke before they're born may not be developing properly. And, because preemies tend to sleep in short bursts rather than long periods like full-term babies, it becomes increasingly obvious the devastating impact smoking can have on a baby born too soon.
These include breathing problems such as sleep apnea (when an infant stops breathing for a moment) and respiratory infection. If your infant can't breathe properly, they can't get enough oxygen for optimal brain function.
Smoking during pregnancy is not healthy but increasingly, research shows that the harmful side effects of smoking may affect a baby well into early childhood and "may increase the chances for attention deficit disorder and impulsivity." Complications once attributed to low birth weight (itself often caused by smoking) seem to now be linked as much to prenatal exposure to cigarette smoke.
We should also note that, while the mother's habits most directly affect an unborn fetus, those around her are responsible as well. Prolonged exposure to any secondhand smoke is not ideal for a pregnant woman and no one should be allowed to smoke near a premature infant.
When all is said and done, smoking is a bad habit for everyone. If you are pregnant, ask your physician about smoking cessation programs that will help you break this destructive cycle. There are many wonderful programs to help you quit. Do it for your baby – and do it for yourself as well.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Getting Ready for Pregnancy
Tips on Getting Pregnant
Ditch the pill
Yes, the first thing is to forget about contraception. You may notice certain irregularities in your cycle and may take a few months for your cycle to return to normal. But many women are fertile the first month after they stop taking the Pill. The same holds true for the contraceptive patch and ring.
Fuel up on folic acid
Folic acid is a synthetic form of folate, a B vitamin that can help reduce the risk of serious birth defects that affect the brain and spinal cord. For this reason, the FDA recommends that all women attempting pregnancy take folic acid supplements for decreasing chances of birth defects.
Quit smoking, drinking and drugs now
Smoking or taking drugs greatly diminishes your chances of getting pregnant and can lead to miscarriages, premature birth, and low-birth weight babies. Plus, research suggests that smoking can affect your fertility and lower your partner’s sperm count. In fact, studies have shown that even secondhand smoke may affect your chances of getting pregnant. It is also recommend that women avoid alcohol when trying for pregnancy.
Cut down on Caffeine
Research shows that too much caffeine can reduce your ability to absorb iron and increase your risk for stillbirth. Avoid coffee, tea, and colas or switch to decaf to increase your chances of getting pregnant. If you are a complete caffeine junkie, then the safe limit would be a cup a day. Try switching to a milkshakes which will boost your calcium as well and assist in conception.
Get your weight in check
Healthy weight women have an easier time getting pregnant than overweight or underweight women. Studies show that women whose body mass index (BMI) is below 20 or above 30 have a harder time getting pregnant, so it’s a good idea to try to get yourself into the 20 to 30 range before you start trying.
Timing is Everything
You will have little chance of getting pregnant if you had sex on the wrong days and missed the most fertile ones. Figure out your ovulation days with our ovulation calendar to increase your chances of conception. Read our articles on Ovulation and Signs of ovulation to assist you in knowing your fertile period. Ovulation predictor kits can also help you figure out when you’re ovulating by detecting hormones in your urine that signal ovulation is about to occur.
Mind Control
Women who suffer from depression are twice as likely to have problems with fertility as women who don’t. Get a mental health check if you notice signs of depression. Also, try stress management techniques, such as yoga and meditation, which research suggests can also help in getting pregnant.
Buy something sexy
Some experts say that if a woman is highly aroused while she’s having sex, the sperm has a better chance of fertilizing her egg. Others say it makes absolutely no difference. It definitely wont hurt and may even help in boosting your libido and killing that awkward feeling of having sex for pregnancy.
Positioning yourself
Many experts suspect that the missionary position (man on top) provides the best opportunity for getting pregnant, though no definitive studies have been done on this question. This position allows for the deepest penetration which deposits sperm closer to the cervix. For additional effectiveness, the woman can try elevating her hips with a pillow so her cervix is exposed to the maximum amount of semen. Other positions could be Rear entry and lying side-by-side. Avoid woman on top, standing, or leaning positions, which discourage the flow of semen to the uterus.
Increase the Odds
Make your vaginal environment as sperm-friendly as possible. Avoid vaginal sprays and scented tampons, artificial lubricants, and douching. Not only can they cause infections, they may wash away cervical mucus or create a hostile environment for the sperm.
If you find that your cervical mucus is not as conducive of getting pregnant as it should be, you may want to try a specific type of lubricant. Pre-Seed lubricant is the sperm friendly choice of many people trying to get pregnant. After intercourse, elevate your hips on a pillow for about fifteen minutes.
For your man
Ask your partner to chuck all briefs and opt for boxers instead for a healthy sperm count. Also, having sex in the morning would help since the semen has the highest number of sperm then.
Finally
Getting pregnant isn’t always easy. Very few couples conceive on the first try. In fact, even if everything is absolutely in perfect working order, you only have a 20-25% chance of conception each month. If you are under 30, and haven’t conceived in 12 months, you should make an appointment to see your doctor as there could be some issues at play with are preventing you from getting pregnant. If you are over 35, and haven’t succeeded in getting pregnant in six months, make an appointment to see your doctor, as infertility issues become more prevelant the older you get. If you are over 40, then do not delay in getting medical help.
Ditch the pill
Yes, the first thing is to forget about contraception. You may notice certain irregularities in your cycle and may take a few months for your cycle to return to normal. But many women are fertile the first month after they stop taking the Pill. The same holds true for the contraceptive patch and ring.
Fuel up on folic acid
Folic acid is a synthetic form of folate, a B vitamin that can help reduce the risk of serious birth defects that affect the brain and spinal cord. For this reason, the FDA recommends that all women attempting pregnancy take folic acid supplements for decreasing chances of birth defects.
Quit smoking, drinking and drugs now
Smoking or taking drugs greatly diminishes your chances of getting pregnant and can lead to miscarriages, premature birth, and low-birth weight babies. Plus, research suggests that smoking can affect your fertility and lower your partner’s sperm count. In fact, studies have shown that even secondhand smoke may affect your chances of getting pregnant. It is also recommend that women avoid alcohol when trying for pregnancy.
Cut down on Caffeine
Research shows that too much caffeine can reduce your ability to absorb iron and increase your risk for stillbirth. Avoid coffee, tea, and colas or switch to decaf to increase your chances of getting pregnant. If you are a complete caffeine junkie, then the safe limit would be a cup a day. Try switching to a milkshakes which will boost your calcium as well and assist in conception.
Get your weight in check
Healthy weight women have an easier time getting pregnant than overweight or underweight women. Studies show that women whose body mass index (BMI) is below 20 or above 30 have a harder time getting pregnant, so it’s a good idea to try to get yourself into the 20 to 30 range before you start trying.
Timing is Everything
You will have little chance of getting pregnant if you had sex on the wrong days and missed the most fertile ones. Figure out your ovulation days with our ovulation calendar to increase your chances of conception. Read our articles on Ovulation and Signs of ovulation to assist you in knowing your fertile period. Ovulation predictor kits can also help you figure out when you’re ovulating by detecting hormones in your urine that signal ovulation is about to occur.
Mind Control
Women who suffer from depression are twice as likely to have problems with fertility as women who don’t. Get a mental health check if you notice signs of depression. Also, try stress management techniques, such as yoga and meditation, which research suggests can also help in getting pregnant.
Buy something sexy
Some experts say that if a woman is highly aroused while she’s having sex, the sperm has a better chance of fertilizing her egg. Others say it makes absolutely no difference. It definitely wont hurt and may even help in boosting your libido and killing that awkward feeling of having sex for pregnancy.
Positioning yourself
Many experts suspect that the missionary position (man on top) provides the best opportunity for getting pregnant, though no definitive studies have been done on this question. This position allows for the deepest penetration which deposits sperm closer to the cervix. For additional effectiveness, the woman can try elevating her hips with a pillow so her cervix is exposed to the maximum amount of semen. Other positions could be Rear entry and lying side-by-side. Avoid woman on top, standing, or leaning positions, which discourage the flow of semen to the uterus.
Increase the Odds
Make your vaginal environment as sperm-friendly as possible. Avoid vaginal sprays and scented tampons, artificial lubricants, and douching. Not only can they cause infections, they may wash away cervical mucus or create a hostile environment for the sperm.
If you find that your cervical mucus is not as conducive of getting pregnant as it should be, you may want to try a specific type of lubricant. Pre-Seed lubricant is the sperm friendly choice of many people trying to get pregnant. After intercourse, elevate your hips on a pillow for about fifteen minutes.
For your man
Ask your partner to chuck all briefs and opt for boxers instead for a healthy sperm count. Also, having sex in the morning would help since the semen has the highest number of sperm then.
Finally
Getting pregnant isn’t always easy. Very few couples conceive on the first try. In fact, even if everything is absolutely in perfect working order, you only have a 20-25% chance of conception each month. If you are under 30, and haven’t conceived in 12 months, you should make an appointment to see your doctor as there could be some issues at play with are preventing you from getting pregnant. If you are over 35, and haven’t succeeded in getting pregnant in six months, make an appointment to see your doctor, as infertility issues become more prevelant the older you get. If you are over 40, then do not delay in getting medical help.
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