If you have a child or a grandchild on the way, please think about getting my lullaby CD so that you can sing to your baby and instill these wonderful feelings of bonding and being loved!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
More on lullabies
Everyone loves lullabies, even grown-ups! As a matter of fact, I'm listening to a lovely lullaby album right now and am seriously thinking of going straight to bed. Why do people love lullabies? Oftentimes, they are familiar, easy-to-sing melodies that bring back positive associations and feelings. If Mama or Grandma sang lullabies to you as an infant, chances are you had no words to say "I love it when you sing to me," or "I feel so safe and warm when you sing to me, please don't stop" and yet when you hear that familiar tune, your body and mind gets those warm, safe, cuddly feelings.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
What is prolactin and what does it do?
This afternoon I got a call from woman who was told by her doctor that her prolactin level is a litle bit high. She was told that it could affect her fertility and asked me exactly what prolactin is and what purposes it serves. I've done a little research on this and here is what I found: If you are having trouble getting pregnant, it may have something to do with your hormones. Hormones are special chemicals secreted by the glands in your body; they work on specific body parts in order to ensure proper functioning. Ovulation and menstruation are both triggered by hormone secretion. As a result, infertility is often caused by an imbalance in these hormones. Specifically, the hormone prolactin plays a large role in preventing some women from becoming pregnant.
What is Prolactin? Prolactin is a chemical that is secreted by your pituitary gland. This is the pea-sized gland found in the middle of your brain, which is responsible for triggering many of your body's processes. Prolactin is found in both men and women and is released at various times throughout the day and night. Prolactin is generally released in order to stimulate milk production in pregnant women. It also enlarges a woman's mammary glands in order to allow her to prepare for breastfeeding.
Hormones that Affect ProlactinLike many of your body's other processes, the release of prolactin is actually triggered by other hormones. Hormones affecting prolactin include:
dopamine
serotonin
thyroid-producing hormone
Serotonin and thyroid hormone help to increase prolactin release, whereas dopamine works to block prolactin release.
Prolactin Changes During PregnancyWhen you are pregnant, prolactin changes are completely normal. In fact, your prolactin must increase in order to encourage the production of milk in your mammary glands. During pregnancy your hormones are all over the place. In particular, your estrogen levels begin to rise, and this is what stimulates the increase in your prolactin levels. After birth, as your baby breastfeeds, nipple stimulation will trigger a further increase in prolactin. Prolactin is what allows you to continue breastfeeding for an extended period of time.
Prolactin and Infertility Prolactin doesn't just cause your body to increase milk production - it also affects your ovulation and menstrual cycles. This is why it is nearly impossible to become pregnant when you are breastfeeding. (In fact, prolactin is 90% effective against pregnancy in the first months after birth).
Prolactin inhibits two hormones necessary to your ovulation: follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and gonadotropin releasing hormone (GnRH). Both of these hormones are responsible for helping your eggs to develop and mature in the ovaries, so that they can be released during ovulation. When you have excess prolactin in your bloodstream, ovulation is not triggered, and you will be unable to become pregnant. Prolactin may also affect your menstrual cycle and the regularity of your periods.
Prolactin IrregularitiesIf you are having difficulties becoming pregnant, it may be due to an irregularity in your prolactin levels. If your have elevated prolactin, this can inhibit ovulation and menstruation. Prolactin levels can be determined through a simple blood test. Normal prolactin levels in women are somewhere between 30 and 600 mIU/I. If your levels measure towards the high end of this spectrum or above, you may be suffering from a prolactin irregularity.
Types of Irregularities There are two main types of prolactin irregularities. It is possible to suffer from both at one time.
Galactorrhea Galactorrhea is a condition in which you begin to produce milk spontaneouly, without being pregnant or having given birth recently. It is a result of high prolactic levels. Other symptoms include:
enlarged breasts
painful or tender breasts
irregular menstruation
loss of sex drive
infertility
Hyperprolactinemia Hyperprolactinemia literally means too much prolactin in the blood. If you have hyperprolactinemia, you may also have galactorrhea, though this is not always the case. Symptoms of high prolactin levels include:
prolactin levels at or above 600 mIU/I
infertility
irregular menstruation
headache
reduced sex drive
vision problems
Causes of High Prolactin Levels There are a few things that may be responsible for your prolactin irregularities. In order to treat your infertility, you will need to determine what is at the bottom of your elevated prolactin levels.
ProlactinomaProlactinoma is one of the more common causes of prolactin-induced infertility. Prolactinoma causes a tumor to grow on your pituitary gland. This tumor secretes excess prolactin into your body. About 10% of the population have these tumors. They usually do not pose any health risks, besides infertility, though sometimes they can interfere with vision.
Prescription Drugs Prescription drugs can cause excess secretion of prolactin. Some anti-depressants, painkillers, and opiates block dopamine, preventing prolactin secretion from being inhibited. This can cause your prolactin levels to rise.
For more info, go to http://www.sharedjourney.com/define/prolactin.html
What is Prolactin? Prolactin is a chemical that is secreted by your pituitary gland. This is the pea-sized gland found in the middle of your brain, which is responsible for triggering many of your body's processes. Prolactin is found in both men and women and is released at various times throughout the day and night. Prolactin is generally released in order to stimulate milk production in pregnant women. It also enlarges a woman's mammary glands in order to allow her to prepare for breastfeeding.
Hormones that Affect ProlactinLike many of your body's other processes, the release of prolactin is actually triggered by other hormones. Hormones affecting prolactin include:
dopamine
serotonin
thyroid-producing hormone
Serotonin and thyroid hormone help to increase prolactin release, whereas dopamine works to block prolactin release.
Prolactin Changes During PregnancyWhen you are pregnant, prolactin changes are completely normal. In fact, your prolactin must increase in order to encourage the production of milk in your mammary glands. During pregnancy your hormones are all over the place. In particular, your estrogen levels begin to rise, and this is what stimulates the increase in your prolactin levels. After birth, as your baby breastfeeds, nipple stimulation will trigger a further increase in prolactin. Prolactin is what allows you to continue breastfeeding for an extended period of time.
Prolactin and Infertility Prolactin doesn't just cause your body to increase milk production - it also affects your ovulation and menstrual cycles. This is why it is nearly impossible to become pregnant when you are breastfeeding. (In fact, prolactin is 90% effective against pregnancy in the first months after birth).
Prolactin inhibits two hormones necessary to your ovulation: follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and gonadotropin releasing hormone (GnRH). Both of these hormones are responsible for helping your eggs to develop and mature in the ovaries, so that they can be released during ovulation. When you have excess prolactin in your bloodstream, ovulation is not triggered, and you will be unable to become pregnant. Prolactin may also affect your menstrual cycle and the regularity of your periods.
Prolactin IrregularitiesIf you are having difficulties becoming pregnant, it may be due to an irregularity in your prolactin levels. If your have elevated prolactin, this can inhibit ovulation and menstruation. Prolactin levels can be determined through a simple blood test. Normal prolactin levels in women are somewhere between 30 and 600 mIU/I. If your levels measure towards the high end of this spectrum or above, you may be suffering from a prolactin irregularity.
Types of Irregularities There are two main types of prolactin irregularities. It is possible to suffer from both at one time.
Galactorrhea Galactorrhea is a condition in which you begin to produce milk spontaneouly, without being pregnant or having given birth recently. It is a result of high prolactic levels. Other symptoms include:
enlarged breasts
painful or tender breasts
irregular menstruation
loss of sex drive
infertility
Hyperprolactinemia Hyperprolactinemia literally means too much prolactin in the blood. If you have hyperprolactinemia, you may also have galactorrhea, though this is not always the case. Symptoms of high prolactin levels include:
prolactin levels at or above 600 mIU/I
infertility
irregular menstruation
headache
reduced sex drive
vision problems
Causes of High Prolactin Levels There are a few things that may be responsible for your prolactin irregularities. In order to treat your infertility, you will need to determine what is at the bottom of your elevated prolactin levels.
ProlactinomaProlactinoma is one of the more common causes of prolactin-induced infertility. Prolactinoma causes a tumor to grow on your pituitary gland. This tumor secretes excess prolactin into your body. About 10% of the population have these tumors. They usually do not pose any health risks, besides infertility, though sometimes they can interfere with vision.
Prescription Drugs Prescription drugs can cause excess secretion of prolactin. Some anti-depressants, painkillers, and opiates block dopamine, preventing prolactin secretion from being inhibited. This can cause your prolactin levels to rise.
For more info, go to http://www.sharedjourney.com/define/prolactin.html
Sunday, February 01, 2009
The tragedy of a stillbirth
Stillbirth - A Vast and Sudden SadnessBy Claudia Kalb NEWSWEEKFeb 1, 2009 - 11:46:54 AM
Each year thousands of families experience stillbirth. As science seeks causes, parents use photography to honor their babies and cope with their grief.
(HealthNewsDigest.com) - Marirosa Anderson was still sweating from a workout when her cell phone rang at 8:20 p.m. on Nov. 11, a particularly cold night in northern Virginia. Anderson had planned to spend the evening with her husband and two small children. Then she saw the caller - ID number. She took a deep breath, readied herself and answered the phone. Karen Harvey, a labor-and-delivery nurse at Inova Fairfax Hospital, gave her the rundown. A baby was about to be delivered by C - section and the parents wanted photographs. Could she come right over?Anderson threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, grabbed her camera bag and ran out the door. At the hospital, Harvey led her to a quiet room where Laurie Jackson and her husband, Michael, were waiting. Laurie's pregnancy had been easy and enjoyable, filled with the happy buzz of baby showers and the lovely air of expectation. But during a routine check that Tuesday afternoon - just three days before her due date - the Jacksons were given the incomprehensible news that their baby no longer had a heartbeat. The night before, Laurie had felt the baby kicking. Now she and Michael were confronting the impossible: saying hello and goodbye to their firstborn child at the very same time.Anderson introduced herself, then took out her camera, turning her attention to a perfect little girl who lay still in a bassinet, peaceful in a white cotton blanket with pink and blue stripes. "She's precious," Anderson said. Then she started to shoot. The baby's face. Click. Her tiny hands. Click. Her little pink feet. Click. Now it was time for the three of them. Laurie cradled her baby girl in the crook of her elbow, Michael leaned in next to her. Together they studied their daughter's face - her mouth resembled Laurie's family, the rest was pure Michael - they whispered to each other, they came together as a family. Their baby girl weighed six pounds, seven ounces and she was 19 inches long. They named her Brenna Rose.Pregnancy is supposed to be the most wonderful time, brimming with anticipation, kicking with newness and life. But as novelist Elizabeth McCracken writes in "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination," a recent memoir about the death of her first baby, "this is the happiest story in the world with the saddest ending." Stillbirth happens more often than we imagine - 10 times more often than sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS, a condition most every parent knows about and dreads. Every year some 26,000 babies die during or after the 20th week in their mothers' womb (a loss before that is considered a miscarriage) or die during birth. In at least half of all cases, doctors have no idea what went wrong. The impact is impossible to measure. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends - all must figure out how to absorb the vast and sudden sadness, to grieve and, in many instances, to reconcile with a God who has shaken their faith to its core.Decades ago, stillborn babies were whisked away from their parents to morgues; doctors and nurses pretended nothing happened, mothers were medicated with Valium, parents suffered their sorrow alone. It was in the late 1970s and early 1980s that the medical and psychological thinking about stillbirth began to evolve when researchers started studying the impact of a baby's death and parents began telling their stories. From silence and detachment came acknowledgment and remembrance. Today nurses encourage parents to hold the babies. Molds of hands and feet are created. Locks of hair are collected. And photographs are taken. Not just the clinical snapshots that nurses have been capturing for years, but striking and sensitive portraits that have burgeoned since the formation of a group called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep in 2005.Volunteer photographers who belong to the group, including Anderson, take pictures of stillborn babies - and babies expected to die soon after birth - for their parents at no cost. The idea was born from the life of Maddux Haggard, who was 6 days old and on life support in Colorado when his parents, Cheryl and Mike, decided they wanted pictures of their baby and contacted Sandy Puc', a local photographer well known for her beautiful baby portraits. After that photo session four years ago, Cheryl Haggard and Puc' founded Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, which has since grown to 7,000 photographers, most of them professionals, across the globe.Photographing the dead may seem strange, even morbid, especially in our American culture so uncomfortable with death. Those feelings are only intensified when the dead are the newly born or just hours or days old. "We associate giving birth with life, with the future, with the defiance of death," says Irving Leon, a psychologist at the University of Michigan Medical Center in Ann Arbor who specializes in reproductive loss. "To have that smashed, violated so powerfully, it's something people don't want to look at, both literally and metaphorically."Postmortem photography, though, has a long and treasured past. In the 19th century, when people died at home, families spent much of their savings on expensive silver daguerreotypes depicting their loved ones after they had passed away. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is a modern-day incarnation of this "memento mori" photographic genre (Latin for "remember your death"). Memories facilitate grieving, says Leon, which is critical to long-term healing. Holding a baby, talking to her and photographing her - all create memories that help parents cope with a devastating loss.Parents who are hesitant about holding their babies often change their minds toward the end of a shoot, realizing that they'll have no other chance to embrace their child. And the sessions bestow a quiet time for mothers and fathers to treasure and honor their babies without any interruption from nurses or doctors. In years past, parents didn't expect all of their children to live. Today babies are dreamed about and dwelt on, and the deep attachment that develops between parents - especially mothers - and their unborn children starts earlier than ever before. At eight weeks, a baby's heartbeat can be seen on ultrasound; parents now find out gender and assign names months before their babies are born. All this has intensified the grief reactions many women feel after they suffer not just a stillbirth, but a miscarriage too, says Leon.Studies show that mothers benefit from bonding with their stillborn babies. Joanne Cacciatore, a researcher at Arizona State University, studied 3,000 women and found that those who had the chance to see and hold their babies had fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety. This benefit may be temporarily reversed during a subsequent pregnancy. And nobody should be pressured to hold their babies. But more than 80 percent of women who did not regretted the lost opportunity. Cacciatore, whose fourth baby, Cheyenne, died in 1994, calls this a period of "ritualization," a time for parents to honor their child and to feel some semblance of control during an emotionally chaotic time. Holding a stillborn baby allows women to connect and then separate themselves from their babies after months united in the same body. And it gives parents the chance to create positive memories, rather than live with the unknown: What did she feel like? Whose nose did she have? Was she peaceful?Doctors, nurses and social workers who encounter stillbirth have come to know this, and their thinking about how to care for patients has evolved enormously. Elisabeth Kubler - Ross's seminal 1969 book, "On Death and Dying," exposed the impact of loss and the long and intricate process of grieving. Parents of stillborn babies started talking about what it felt like to lose their children; physicians and psychologists began challenging the hush-hush approach. Michele Schwarzmann, director of maternal child health at Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore, can't forget the first stillbirth she witnessed in the 1970s. " 'Michele, you can't cry, you have to be strong'," she remembers her supervisor telling her. A decade later, Schwarzmann says she was finally allowed to express her sadness: "I sobbed for every baby I never got to cry over."Stillbirth is in many ways a medical mystery. Despite its gravity, it has been largely overlooked. Even today, researchers don't know the true incidence of stillbirth nor do they fully understand why it happens. In some cases, doctors can identify a cause - a prenatal infection that travels from mother to baby, a genetic anomaly, a placental abruption, an umbilical - cord accident. But in at least half of all cases - more than 10,000 a year - they can't pinpoint the problem. "Over the last 50 years, we've put a lot of research and clinical energy into preventing sick babies from dying after birth and a lot of energy into premature babies," says Dr. Robert Silver, an Ob - Gyn at the University of Utah School of Medicine. "We haven't put the same energy into stillbirth."All that became clear at a workshop held by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) in 2001. "We realized that we needed to do a study that was larger than anything undertaken in this country," says Dr. Catherine Spong, chief of NICHD's Pregnancy & Perinatology Branch. With NICHD funding, Silver and other researchers began collecting data on more than 500 stillbirths at five sites around the country. Now they're analyzing the information. The hope is that the new information will help researchers sort out how to reduce a woman's risk for stillbirth, identify problems in advance so that couples can prepare for a loss and, ultimately, save lives.No matter how good the science gets, however, some number of babies will continue to die and parents will continue to grapple with the shock. Not long after joining Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep in 2007, photographer Jennifer Clark got a call from a hospital near Salt Lake City. The parents, Melina and Tom Anderson (unrelated to Marirosa Anderson), had three other children - a son, Jack, then 6, and two daughters, Amy, 4, and Mae, 2รข€”and they were excited about welcoming their fourth, another girl, named Ella. At 39 weeks, however, the baby's heartbeat started dropping precipitously and Melina had to have an emergency C-section under general anesthesia. Melina remembers waking up and hearing her doctor say, "I'm so sorry, she didn't make it." The umbilical cord, wrapped tightly four times around the baby's neck and once around her arm, had cut off her blood supply. Melina "made the kind of sound you never want to hear," says Tom. "Not really a scream, but almost. A moan." And then she started to cry.Clark was nervous. "I remember standing outside the door before I went in and I prayed," she says. "I wanted to make photos they would cherish." She also remembers a sense of peacefulness as she worked. It was a sacred time, and she was buoyed by the gratitude shown by Tom and Melina. But she was also profoundly saddened. At times, she had to put her camera down to wipe the tears from her eyes as she captured the images. Amy touching Ella's fingers. Mae, in her pink - and - yellow kitty - cat pajamas, a pacifier in her mouth, peering at the baby's face. Jack, who had accompanied his mother to every doctor's appointment. Tom and Melina looking at their daughter's face.The next day Tom carried his daughter to a hospital exit next to the ER, far from the place where new mothers are wheeled out with newborns in their arms and smiles on their faces. A mortuary attendant strapped Ella onto a gurney and drove off in a big white van. In the weeks after Ella's burial, Melina suffered both physical and emotional pain. Her breasts had to be bandaged to stop the milk from coming in - a poignant reminder of what should have been. Pregnant women brought tears to her eyes; new babies made her think about the milestones she was missing with Ella. But tangled up in the sadness was the conviction that Ella needed to be remembered. Clark's images allowed Melina to savor a face that was fading from her memory. And the Andersons' tributes to their daughter now assure her a constant place in the family. On the first anniversary of Ella's birth, the Anderson family held hands at her grave and sang "Happy Birthday." Then they went out for dinner and shared a birthday cake.When Clark first heard about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, she felt a powerful urge to participate, but she never imagined that she'd find herself on the other side of the lens. Last year Clark was overjoyed to discover she was pregnant. Her first three babies were healthy. This time, Clark's fetus was diagnosed with trisomy 18, a genetic disorder so catastrophic that less than 10 percent of babies make it to their first birthday. The Clarks, devout Mormons, never considered terminating the pregnancy. Above all else, they prayed that their little boy would be born alive and that he would live for some time - hours, days, weeks, maybe even long enough to go home.Connor Clark was born on Dec. 22 at 5:54 p.m. For just over an hour, his parents, his siblings - Ellison, 10, Sydney, 7, and Hayden, 2 - his grandparents and some of his many aunts and uncles held him, talked to him, rejoiced in him. Two photographers from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep shot the sobbing and the smiles, the kisses, the hugs, the gentle cradling and the embrace between Jennifer and her husband, Spencer, when they realized they were losing their son. At 7:20 p.m., Connor took his last breath. At his funeral service two days after Christmas, the Clarks showed a powerful video compilation of black-and-white photographs set to music for their family and friends. A life deeply mourned, a life lovingly celebrated.To learn more about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, visit their website . For additional information on stillbirth and to find support resources for families, visit the M.I.S.S. Foundation and First Candle. LINKwww.firstcandle.org And for more on research conducted by the National Institute of Child Health and Development, you can visit their site .
Each year thousands of families experience stillbirth. As science seeks causes, parents use photography to honor their babies and cope with their grief.
(HealthNewsDigest.com) - Marirosa Anderson was still sweating from a workout when her cell phone rang at 8:20 p.m. on Nov. 11, a particularly cold night in northern Virginia. Anderson had planned to spend the evening with her husband and two small children. Then she saw the caller - ID number. She took a deep breath, readied herself and answered the phone. Karen Harvey, a labor-and-delivery nurse at Inova Fairfax Hospital, gave her the rundown. A baby was about to be delivered by C - section and the parents wanted photographs. Could she come right over?Anderson threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, grabbed her camera bag and ran out the door. At the hospital, Harvey led her to a quiet room where Laurie Jackson and her husband, Michael, were waiting. Laurie's pregnancy had been easy and enjoyable, filled with the happy buzz of baby showers and the lovely air of expectation. But during a routine check that Tuesday afternoon - just three days before her due date - the Jacksons were given the incomprehensible news that their baby no longer had a heartbeat. The night before, Laurie had felt the baby kicking. Now she and Michael were confronting the impossible: saying hello and goodbye to their firstborn child at the very same time.Anderson introduced herself, then took out her camera, turning her attention to a perfect little girl who lay still in a bassinet, peaceful in a white cotton blanket with pink and blue stripes. "She's precious," Anderson said. Then she started to shoot. The baby's face. Click. Her tiny hands. Click. Her little pink feet. Click. Now it was time for the three of them. Laurie cradled her baby girl in the crook of her elbow, Michael leaned in next to her. Together they studied their daughter's face - her mouth resembled Laurie's family, the rest was pure Michael - they whispered to each other, they came together as a family. Their baby girl weighed six pounds, seven ounces and she was 19 inches long. They named her Brenna Rose.Pregnancy is supposed to be the most wonderful time, brimming with anticipation, kicking with newness and life. But as novelist Elizabeth McCracken writes in "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination," a recent memoir about the death of her first baby, "this is the happiest story in the world with the saddest ending." Stillbirth happens more often than we imagine - 10 times more often than sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS, a condition most every parent knows about and dreads. Every year some 26,000 babies die during or after the 20th week in their mothers' womb (a loss before that is considered a miscarriage) or die during birth. In at least half of all cases, doctors have no idea what went wrong. The impact is impossible to measure. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends - all must figure out how to absorb the vast and sudden sadness, to grieve and, in many instances, to reconcile with a God who has shaken their faith to its core.Decades ago, stillborn babies were whisked away from their parents to morgues; doctors and nurses pretended nothing happened, mothers were medicated with Valium, parents suffered their sorrow alone. It was in the late 1970s and early 1980s that the medical and psychological thinking about stillbirth began to evolve when researchers started studying the impact of a baby's death and parents began telling their stories. From silence and detachment came acknowledgment and remembrance. Today nurses encourage parents to hold the babies. Molds of hands and feet are created. Locks of hair are collected. And photographs are taken. Not just the clinical snapshots that nurses have been capturing for years, but striking and sensitive portraits that have burgeoned since the formation of a group called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep in 2005.Volunteer photographers who belong to the group, including Anderson, take pictures of stillborn babies - and babies expected to die soon after birth - for their parents at no cost. The idea was born from the life of Maddux Haggard, who was 6 days old and on life support in Colorado when his parents, Cheryl and Mike, decided they wanted pictures of their baby and contacted Sandy Puc', a local photographer well known for her beautiful baby portraits. After that photo session four years ago, Cheryl Haggard and Puc' founded Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, which has since grown to 7,000 photographers, most of them professionals, across the globe.Photographing the dead may seem strange, even morbid, especially in our American culture so uncomfortable with death. Those feelings are only intensified when the dead are the newly born or just hours or days old. "We associate giving birth with life, with the future, with the defiance of death," says Irving Leon, a psychologist at the University of Michigan Medical Center in Ann Arbor who specializes in reproductive loss. "To have that smashed, violated so powerfully, it's something people don't want to look at, both literally and metaphorically."Postmortem photography, though, has a long and treasured past. In the 19th century, when people died at home, families spent much of their savings on expensive silver daguerreotypes depicting their loved ones after they had passed away. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is a modern-day incarnation of this "memento mori" photographic genre (Latin for "remember your death"). Memories facilitate grieving, says Leon, which is critical to long-term healing. Holding a baby, talking to her and photographing her - all create memories that help parents cope with a devastating loss.Parents who are hesitant about holding their babies often change their minds toward the end of a shoot, realizing that they'll have no other chance to embrace their child. And the sessions bestow a quiet time for mothers and fathers to treasure and honor their babies without any interruption from nurses or doctors. In years past, parents didn't expect all of their children to live. Today babies are dreamed about and dwelt on, and the deep attachment that develops between parents - especially mothers - and their unborn children starts earlier than ever before. At eight weeks, a baby's heartbeat can be seen on ultrasound; parents now find out gender and assign names months before their babies are born. All this has intensified the grief reactions many women feel after they suffer not just a stillbirth, but a miscarriage too, says Leon.Studies show that mothers benefit from bonding with their stillborn babies. Joanne Cacciatore, a researcher at Arizona State University, studied 3,000 women and found that those who had the chance to see and hold their babies had fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety. This benefit may be temporarily reversed during a subsequent pregnancy. And nobody should be pressured to hold their babies. But more than 80 percent of women who did not regretted the lost opportunity. Cacciatore, whose fourth baby, Cheyenne, died in 1994, calls this a period of "ritualization," a time for parents to honor their child and to feel some semblance of control during an emotionally chaotic time. Holding a stillborn baby allows women to connect and then separate themselves from their babies after months united in the same body. And it gives parents the chance to create positive memories, rather than live with the unknown: What did she feel like? Whose nose did she have? Was she peaceful?Doctors, nurses and social workers who encounter stillbirth have come to know this, and their thinking about how to care for patients has evolved enormously. Elisabeth Kubler - Ross's seminal 1969 book, "On Death and Dying," exposed the impact of loss and the long and intricate process of grieving. Parents of stillborn babies started talking about what it felt like to lose their children; physicians and psychologists began challenging the hush-hush approach. Michele Schwarzmann, director of maternal child health at Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore, can't forget the first stillbirth she witnessed in the 1970s. " 'Michele, you can't cry, you have to be strong'," she remembers her supervisor telling her. A decade later, Schwarzmann says she was finally allowed to express her sadness: "I sobbed for every baby I never got to cry over."Stillbirth is in many ways a medical mystery. Despite its gravity, it has been largely overlooked. Even today, researchers don't know the true incidence of stillbirth nor do they fully understand why it happens. In some cases, doctors can identify a cause - a prenatal infection that travels from mother to baby, a genetic anomaly, a placental abruption, an umbilical - cord accident. But in at least half of all cases - more than 10,000 a year - they can't pinpoint the problem. "Over the last 50 years, we've put a lot of research and clinical energy into preventing sick babies from dying after birth and a lot of energy into premature babies," says Dr. Robert Silver, an Ob - Gyn at the University of Utah School of Medicine. "We haven't put the same energy into stillbirth."All that became clear at a workshop held by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) in 2001. "We realized that we needed to do a study that was larger than anything undertaken in this country," says Dr. Catherine Spong, chief of NICHD's Pregnancy & Perinatology Branch. With NICHD funding, Silver and other researchers began collecting data on more than 500 stillbirths at five sites around the country. Now they're analyzing the information. The hope is that the new information will help researchers sort out how to reduce a woman's risk for stillbirth, identify problems in advance so that couples can prepare for a loss and, ultimately, save lives.No matter how good the science gets, however, some number of babies will continue to die and parents will continue to grapple with the shock. Not long after joining Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep in 2007, photographer Jennifer Clark got a call from a hospital near Salt Lake City. The parents, Melina and Tom Anderson (unrelated to Marirosa Anderson), had three other children - a son, Jack, then 6, and two daughters, Amy, 4, and Mae, 2รข€”and they were excited about welcoming their fourth, another girl, named Ella. At 39 weeks, however, the baby's heartbeat started dropping precipitously and Melina had to have an emergency C-section under general anesthesia. Melina remembers waking up and hearing her doctor say, "I'm so sorry, she didn't make it." The umbilical cord, wrapped tightly four times around the baby's neck and once around her arm, had cut off her blood supply. Melina "made the kind of sound you never want to hear," says Tom. "Not really a scream, but almost. A moan." And then she started to cry.Clark was nervous. "I remember standing outside the door before I went in and I prayed," she says. "I wanted to make photos they would cherish." She also remembers a sense of peacefulness as she worked. It was a sacred time, and she was buoyed by the gratitude shown by Tom and Melina. But she was also profoundly saddened. At times, she had to put her camera down to wipe the tears from her eyes as she captured the images. Amy touching Ella's fingers. Mae, in her pink - and - yellow kitty - cat pajamas, a pacifier in her mouth, peering at the baby's face. Jack, who had accompanied his mother to every doctor's appointment. Tom and Melina looking at their daughter's face.The next day Tom carried his daughter to a hospital exit next to the ER, far from the place where new mothers are wheeled out with newborns in their arms and smiles on their faces. A mortuary attendant strapped Ella onto a gurney and drove off in a big white van. In the weeks after Ella's burial, Melina suffered both physical and emotional pain. Her breasts had to be bandaged to stop the milk from coming in - a poignant reminder of what should have been. Pregnant women brought tears to her eyes; new babies made her think about the milestones she was missing with Ella. But tangled up in the sadness was the conviction that Ella needed to be remembered. Clark's images allowed Melina to savor a face that was fading from her memory. And the Andersons' tributes to their daughter now assure her a constant place in the family. On the first anniversary of Ella's birth, the Anderson family held hands at her grave and sang "Happy Birthday." Then they went out for dinner and shared a birthday cake.When Clark first heard about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, she felt a powerful urge to participate, but she never imagined that she'd find herself on the other side of the lens. Last year Clark was overjoyed to discover she was pregnant. Her first three babies were healthy. This time, Clark's fetus was diagnosed with trisomy 18, a genetic disorder so catastrophic that less than 10 percent of babies make it to their first birthday. The Clarks, devout Mormons, never considered terminating the pregnancy. Above all else, they prayed that their little boy would be born alive and that he would live for some time - hours, days, weeks, maybe even long enough to go home.Connor Clark was born on Dec. 22 at 5:54 p.m. For just over an hour, his parents, his siblings - Ellison, 10, Sydney, 7, and Hayden, 2 - his grandparents and some of his many aunts and uncles held him, talked to him, rejoiced in him. Two photographers from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep shot the sobbing and the smiles, the kisses, the hugs, the gentle cradling and the embrace between Jennifer and her husband, Spencer, when they realized they were losing their son. At 7:20 p.m., Connor took his last breath. At his funeral service two days after Christmas, the Clarks showed a powerful video compilation of black-and-white photographs set to music for their family and friends. A life deeply mourned, a life lovingly celebrated.To learn more about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, visit their website . For additional information on stillbirth and to find support resources for families, visit the M.I.S.S. Foundation and First Candle. LINKwww.firstcandle.org And for more on research conducted by the National Institute of Child Health and Development, you can visit their site .
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Octuplets make an early appearance today
No one really plans to have multiple births. Usually, difficulty getting or staying pregnant causes a couple to consider fertility drugs. I believe this was the case with this family. According to some "authority" whom I heard on the Today Show earlier, multiple embryos were implanted in this woman's uterus, but usually "survival of the fittest" prevails and only one or two survive. Apparently 8 were implanted and 8 survived!
“They are doing amazingly well at this time,” said Dr. Mandhir Gupta, a neonatologist who was part of the team of 46 doctors, nurses and others who took part in the cesarean section delivery. But he added: “I won’t be able to comment on chances of survival because we’ve never had eight babies born at 30 weeks before.”
Obstacles aheadThe odds of survival drop off dramatically in multiple births, particularly if there are more than three babies. The risks include breathing and eating difficulties and growth problems because their lungs and other systems are often underdeveloped. They also may have hearing or vision problems and learning disabilities as they mature.
In fact, the risks in multiple births are so high that when a woman is pregnant with more than three babies, doctors routinely recommend “selective reduction,” or aborting some of them. But Dr. Harold M. Henry, director of maternal-fetal medicine for the hospital, would not discuss what took place in this case.
The babies were still in incubators and their mother had not been able to hold them yet. Three had oxygen tubes up their noses to help them breathe.
"All babies seem to be stable," Maples told NBC's TODAY. "All of them are now breathing on their own and are no longer requiring ventilators."
Obstacles aheadThe odds of survival drop off dramatically in multiple births, particularly if there are more than three babies. The risks include breathing and eating difficulties and growth problems because their lungs and other systems are often underdeveloped. They also may have hearing or vision problems and learning disabilities as they mature.
In fact, the risks in multiple births are so high that when a woman is pregnant with more than three babies, doctors routinely recommend “selective reduction,” or aborting some of them. But Dr. Harold M. Henry, director of maternal-fetal medicine for the hospital, would not discuss what took place in this case.
The babies were still in incubators and their mother had not been able to hold them yet. Three had oxygen tubes up their noses to help them breathe.
"All babies seem to be stable," Maples told NBC's TODAY. "All of them are now breathing on their own and are no longer requiring ventilators."
The first four were expected to begin taking milk sometime Tuesday, with the others shortly after that.
“That’s the biggest test,” Gupta said. “We want to make sure that they start tolerating and digesting the milk.”
The mother plans to nurse the babies herself, which are now being fed pumped breast milk, Gupta told TODAY.
"Right now, we are really encouraging her," Gupta said. "She is going to breast-feed the babies.
A little surpriseThe woman and her doctors were actually expecting seven children, not eight. The delivery team was thinking the hard work was over after that seventh baby was removed from the womb, when another physician spotted another little hand, Maples said.
The mother reacted calmly to the news, said Dr. Jalil Riazi, an anesthesiologist. “Her question was, ‘Really, an eighth baby? How did we miss that baby?”’ he said.
"There are multiple spines and heads and shoulders, with movement of the babies during the ultrasounds," Maples told TODAY. "So, it's not unusual at some times, especially during these high order multiples, that you can miss another baby."
List of octuplets born
The eight children, in the order of their appearance, born at Kaiser Permanente Bellflower Medical Center.
— Baby A, a boy, weighing 2 pounds, 11 ounces, born at 10:43 a.m.
— Baby B, a girl, weighing 2 pounds, 12 ounces, born at 10:44 a.m.
— Baby C, a boy, weighing 3 pounds, 4 ounces, born at 10:45 a.m.
— Baby D, a girl, weighing 2 pounds, 8 ounces, born at 10:45 a.m.
— Baby E, a boy, weighing 1 pound, 8 ounces, born at 10:46 a.m.
— Baby F, a boy, weighing 2 pounds, 12 ounces, born at 10:47 a.m.
— Baby G, a boy, weighing 1 pound, 15 ounces, born 10:47 a.m.
— Baby H, a boy, weighing 2 pounds, 11 ounces, born at 10:48 a.m.
Baby H was a surprise to the delivery room team, doctors said they repeatedly conducted practice sessions in anticipation of the deliveries and were well prepared.
The mother had checked into the hospital in her 23rd week and spent nearly two months working with doctors in preparation for the big day. Mainly she got a lot of bed rest, Maples said, while the medical team repeatedly conducted practice sessions.
“That’s the biggest test,” Gupta said. “We want to make sure that they start tolerating and digesting the milk.”
The mother plans to nurse the babies herself, which are now being fed pumped breast milk, Gupta told TODAY.
"Right now, we are really encouraging her," Gupta said. "She is going to breast-feed the babies.
A little surpriseThe woman and her doctors were actually expecting seven children, not eight. The delivery team was thinking the hard work was over after that seventh baby was removed from the womb, when another physician spotted another little hand, Maples said.
The mother reacted calmly to the news, said Dr. Jalil Riazi, an anesthesiologist. “Her question was, ‘Really, an eighth baby? How did we miss that baby?”’ he said.
"There are multiple spines and heads and shoulders, with movement of the babies during the ultrasounds," Maples told TODAY. "So, it's not unusual at some times, especially during these high order multiples, that you can miss another baby."
List of octuplets born
The eight children, in the order of their appearance, born at Kaiser Permanente Bellflower Medical Center.
— Baby A, a boy, weighing 2 pounds, 11 ounces, born at 10:43 a.m.
— Baby B, a girl, weighing 2 pounds, 12 ounces, born at 10:44 a.m.
— Baby C, a boy, weighing 3 pounds, 4 ounces, born at 10:45 a.m.
— Baby D, a girl, weighing 2 pounds, 8 ounces, born at 10:45 a.m.
— Baby E, a boy, weighing 1 pound, 8 ounces, born at 10:46 a.m.
— Baby F, a boy, weighing 2 pounds, 12 ounces, born at 10:47 a.m.
— Baby G, a boy, weighing 1 pound, 15 ounces, born 10:47 a.m.
— Baby H, a boy, weighing 2 pounds, 11 ounces, born at 10:48 a.m.
Baby H was a surprise to the delivery room team, doctors said they repeatedly conducted practice sessions in anticipation of the deliveries and were well prepared.
The mother had checked into the hospital in her 23rd week and spent nearly two months working with doctors in preparation for the big day. Mainly she got a lot of bed rest, Maples said, while the medical team repeatedly conducted practice sessions.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Adult 'preemies" in the NICU
Here's a fascinating experiment! Would you try it?
Adult 'preemies' get NICU treatment
By Lois M. Collins
Deseret News
Published: Friday, Jan. 9, 2009 1:06 a.m. MST
The room is dark and mostly silent, except for the sound of a heartbeat that seems to reverberate everywhere. "Baby" lies on the floor, eyes closed and peaceful. Then the doors fling open and noisy people rush in, grasping at Baby, repositioning her, using a tongue depressor the size of a paint stirrer and taping an oversized straw in her mouth. At 28 weeks' gestation, she's about to be admitted to intensive care, with all the testing that entails.
Strangers fuss with her diaper and someone positions an ice-cold stethoscope. Before they're done, she will have had cold liquid on her skin, been talked to VERY loudly and had lights shined in her pried-open eyes. The tape that secures the tube in her mouth will be pulled off — and probably re-applied and pulled off again.
It's enough to make a grown Baby want to cry, as the adult volunteers playing Baby learned in a special training Thursday called "Preemie for a Day" at University Hospital.
Imagine how all the poking and fussing feels to actual preemies in an intensive care unit, said Kay Johnson and Michelle Waddell, child development experts from Children's Medical Ventures, which presents the training worldwide. The session was sponsored by the hospital and March of Dimes, which has a family support program in the U. Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, said spokesman Stephen McDonald.
At times the volunteer babies had trouble stifling laughter, but the message was serious: Little things like shielding a real preemie's eyes from the light or warming gel before applying it make a huge difference. And stress is harmful not only to healing, but to development.
Later, Johnson said, some of the volunteers will say they were cold. That's easily fixed. Some will say it was too loud. That's something staff can change, too.
This type of training is not just about comfort. Proper handling aids a premature baby's brain development — and certain things can disrupt it. It's possible, for instance, to bypass complete auditory development as you push visual stimulation. Poor positioning can set up later problems with receptiveness to touch and body alignment and more.
The training also helps staff deal with and guide the stressed-out families of preemies. Take touch: preemies have different tolerance for it. Education and collaboration helps families figure out what pleases and soothes the baby. Petting, for instance, may irritate the baby but is instinctual for some parents.
Johnson emphasized the need for NICUs to transition babies so when they go home they're not facing abrupt and disruptive changes, especially during sleep. Premature babies, she said, make the "top five" on the shaken babies list, adding more urgency to helping them be good sleepers and less fussy at home.
Respect was another theme. "How many of us know who this baby will become," Johnson said, adding that if staffers always respect the baby, the parents and their own co-workers, "you will never make a mistake."
"This reinforces how powerful touch is," said occupational therapist Sarah Meyer after the training. "What we do really does have impact on these babies long-term and on brain development. We can influence development."
Adult 'preemies' get NICU treatment
By Lois M. Collins
Deseret News
Published: Friday, Jan. 9, 2009 1:06 a.m. MST
The room is dark and mostly silent, except for the sound of a heartbeat that seems to reverberate everywhere. "Baby" lies on the floor, eyes closed and peaceful. Then the doors fling open and noisy people rush in, grasping at Baby, repositioning her, using a tongue depressor the size of a paint stirrer and taping an oversized straw in her mouth. At 28 weeks' gestation, she's about to be admitted to intensive care, with all the testing that entails.
Strangers fuss with her diaper and someone positions an ice-cold stethoscope. Before they're done, she will have had cold liquid on her skin, been talked to VERY loudly and had lights shined in her pried-open eyes. The tape that secures the tube in her mouth will be pulled off — and probably re-applied and pulled off again.
It's enough to make a grown Baby want to cry, as the adult volunteers playing Baby learned in a special training Thursday called "Preemie for a Day" at University Hospital.
Imagine how all the poking and fussing feels to actual preemies in an intensive care unit, said Kay Johnson and Michelle Waddell, child development experts from Children's Medical Ventures, which presents the training worldwide. The session was sponsored by the hospital and March of Dimes, which has a family support program in the U. Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, said spokesman Stephen McDonald.
At times the volunteer babies had trouble stifling laughter, but the message was serious: Little things like shielding a real preemie's eyes from the light or warming gel before applying it make a huge difference. And stress is harmful not only to healing, but to development.
Later, Johnson said, some of the volunteers will say they were cold. That's easily fixed. Some will say it was too loud. That's something staff can change, too.
This type of training is not just about comfort. Proper handling aids a premature baby's brain development — and certain things can disrupt it. It's possible, for instance, to bypass complete auditory development as you push visual stimulation. Poor positioning can set up later problems with receptiveness to touch and body alignment and more.
The training also helps staff deal with and guide the stressed-out families of preemies. Take touch: preemies have different tolerance for it. Education and collaboration helps families figure out what pleases and soothes the baby. Petting, for instance, may irritate the baby but is instinctual for some parents.
Johnson emphasized the need for NICUs to transition babies so when they go home they're not facing abrupt and disruptive changes, especially during sleep. Premature babies, she said, make the "top five" on the shaken babies list, adding more urgency to helping them be good sleepers and less fussy at home.
Respect was another theme. "How many of us know who this baby will become," Johnson said, adding that if staffers always respect the baby, the parents and their own co-workers, "you will never make a mistake."
"This reinforces how powerful touch is," said occupational therapist Sarah Meyer after the training. "What we do really does have impact on these babies long-term and on brain development. We can influence development."
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Your unborn baby's hearing
Throughout my three pregnancies I wondered, "can my baby hear the music around me; can she hear my conversations with friends and family?" Well, I didn't know the answer then, but I do now! The developing ear is beginning to be functional by the beginning of the second trimester! Research shows that around the beginning of the 4th month, baby can hear Mom's heartbeat, digestive sounds and circulation sounds. Over the next six months hearing grows and by the last trimester baby can pretty much hear what you hear! What does this mean for the health of the baby? If you sing or hum a carefully selected 6 or 8 tunes for baby, these very same songs, sung after baby's birth, will calm and soothe baby immediately! They will be associated with warmth, nurturing and feeling safe. If perchance your little one comes early these songs will help her to gain weight faster, stabilize body rhythms and temperature and go home as much as five days earlier! According to hospital bills, one day in the neonatal intensive care unit is over $15,000 per day!! So start singing!!If you don't know any lullabies, order my CD "Lullabies for Healthy Bonding." Link to this CD here.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
What if I have a miscarriage?
Miscarriages are one of the great mysteries of life. No one knows for sure what causes them for the majority of the cases. We know a few things that can contribute to them but most of them are mysteries. In any case, here is a very helpful article excerpt that I think you might want to see:
This is not intended to be the absolute word on the subject, but rather a gauge for the unexpected emotions felt by parents who have suffered this type of loss. Most of the parents I have spoken to agreed that the uncertainty of their grief was frightening and may have been alleviated had they known what to expect.
Friends and family may also benefit from reading this over so they might understand the special kinds of pain and emotions involved in this type of loss and allow them to be expressed.
"THE TRUTH IS..."
The truth ISN'T that you will feel "all better" in a couple of days, or weeks, or even months.
The truth IS that the days will be filled with an unending ache and the nights will feel one million sad years long for a while. Healing is attained only after the slow necessary progression through the stages of grief and mourning.
The truth isn't that a new pregnancy will help you forget.
The truth is that, while thoughts of a new pregnancy soon may provide hope, a lost infant deserves to be mourned just as you would have with anyone you loved. Grieving takes a lot of energy and can be both emotionally and physically draining. This could have an impact upon your health during another pregnancy. While the decision to try again is a very individualized one, being pregnant while still actively grieving is very difficult.
The truth isn't that pills or alcohol will dull the pain.
The truth is that they will merely postpone the reality you must eventually face in order to begin healing. However, if Your doctor feels that medication is necessary to help maintain your health, use it intelligently and according to his/her instructions. The truth isn't that once this is over your life will be the same.
The truth is that your upside-down world will slowly settle down, hopefully leaving you a more sensitive, compassionate person, better prepared to handle the hard times that everyone must deal with sooner or later. When you consider that you have just experienced one of the worst things that can happen to a family, as you heal you will become aware of how strong you are.
The truth isn't that grieving is morbid, or a sign of weakness or mental instability.
The truth is that grieving is work that must be done. Now is the appropriate time. Allow yourself the time. Feel it, flow with it. Try not to fight it too often. It will get easier if you expect that it is variable, that some days are better than others. Be patient with yourself. There are no short cuts to healing. The active grieving will be over when all the work is done.
The truth isn't that grief is all-consuming.
The truth is that in the midst of the most agonizing time of your life, there will be laughter. Don't feel guilty. Laugh if you want to. Just as you must allow yourself the time to grieve, you must also allow yourself the time to laugh.Viewing laughter as part of the healing process, just as overwhelming sadness is now, will make the pain more bearable. The truth isn't that one person can bear this alone.
The truth is that while only you can make the choices necessary to return to the mainstream of life a healed person, others in your life are also grieving and are feeling very helpless. As unfair as it may seem, the burden of remaining in contact with family and friends often falls on you. They are afraid to "butt in," or they may be fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. This makes them feel even more helpless. They need to be told honestly what they can do to help. They don't need to be told, "I'm doing fine" when you're really NOT doing fine. By allowing others to share in your pain and assist you with your needs, you will be comforted and they will feel less helpless.
The truth isn't that God must be punishing you for something.
The truth is that sometimes these things just happen. They have happened to many people before you, and they will happen to many people after you. This was not an act of any God; it was an act of Nature. It isn't fair to blame God, or yourself, or anyone else. Try to understand that it is human nature to look for a place to put the blame, especially when there are so few answers to the question, "Why?" Sometimes there are answers. Most times there are not. Believing that you are being punished will only get in the way of your healing. The truth isn't that you will be unable to make any choices or decisions during this time.
The truth is that while major decisions, such as moving or changing jobs, are better off being postponed for now, life goes on. It will be difficult, but decisions dealing with the death of your baby (seeing and naming the baby, arranging and/or attending a religious ritual, taking care of the nursery items you have acquired) are all choices you can make for yourself. Well-meaning people will try to shelter you from the pain of this. However, many of us who have suffered similar losses agree that these first decisions are very important. They help to make the loss real. Our brains filter out much of the pain early on as a way to protect us. Very soon after that, we find ourselves reliving the events over and over, trying to remember everything. This is another way that we acknowledge the loss. Until the loss is real, grieving cannot begin. Being involved at this early time will be a painful experience, but it will help you deal with your grief better as you progress by providing comforting memories of having performed loving, caring acts for your baby.
The truth isn't that you will be delighted to hear that a friend or other loved one has just given birth to a healthy baby.
The truth is that you may find it very difficult to be around mothers with young babies. You may be hurt, or angry, or jealous. You may wonder why you couldn't have had that joy. You may be resentful, or refuse to see friends with new babies. You may even secretly wish that the same thing would happen to someone else. You want someone to understand how it feels. You may also feel very ashamed that you could wish such things on people you love or care about, or think that you must be a dreadful person. You aren't. You're human, and even the most loving people can react this way when they are actively grieving. If the situations were reversed, your friends would be feeling and thinking the same things you are. Forgive yourself. It's OK. These feelings will eventually go away. The truth isn't that all marriages survive this difficult time.
The truth is that sometimes you might blame one another, resent one another, or dislike being with one another. If you find this happening, get help. There are self-help groups available or grief counselors who can help. Don't ignore it or tuck it away assuming it will get better. It won't. Actively grieving people cannot help one another. It is unrealistic, like having two people who were blinded at the same time teach each other Braille. Talking it out with others may help. It might even save your marriage.
The truth isn't that eventually you will accept the loss of your baby and forget all about this awful time.
The truth is that acceptance is a word reserved for the understanding you come to when you've successfully grieved the loss of a parent, or a grandparent, or a beloved older relative. When you lose a child, your whole future has been affected, not your past. No one can really accept that. But there is resolution in the form of healing and learning how to cope. You will survive. Many of us who have gone through this type of grief are afraid we might forget about our babies once we begin to heal. This won't happen. You will always remember your precious baby because successful grieving carves a place in your heart where he or she will live forever.
A Mother's Prayer/ Affirmation After Miscarriage
In this time of loss I call upon my spirit within to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion.
I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing.
During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my inner spirit but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort.
I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attentio to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely.
I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence.
In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing.
Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly.
Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me.
Let me find healing in the belief that this oul knew my love for it and that that love helped it to pass to another place.
Let me honor this short life not only with my love but in finding meaning in its existence.
Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who've experienced loss.
Let a part of this soul be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know it through them.
I will listen to and trust the place in my deepest heart that tells me I will once again be reunited with this soul and will fulfill the need to hold it in my arms.
I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there is a star in heaven that belongs to me.
by Stacey Dinner-Levin http://www.ivf.com/misc.html
This is not intended to be the absolute word on the subject, but rather a gauge for the unexpected emotions felt by parents who have suffered this type of loss. Most of the parents I have spoken to agreed that the uncertainty of their grief was frightening and may have been alleviated had they known what to expect.
Friends and family may also benefit from reading this over so they might understand the special kinds of pain and emotions involved in this type of loss and allow them to be expressed.
"THE TRUTH IS..."
The truth ISN'T that you will feel "all better" in a couple of days, or weeks, or even months.
The truth IS that the days will be filled with an unending ache and the nights will feel one million sad years long for a while. Healing is attained only after the slow necessary progression through the stages of grief and mourning.
The truth isn't that a new pregnancy will help you forget.
The truth is that, while thoughts of a new pregnancy soon may provide hope, a lost infant deserves to be mourned just as you would have with anyone you loved. Grieving takes a lot of energy and can be both emotionally and physically draining. This could have an impact upon your health during another pregnancy. While the decision to try again is a very individualized one, being pregnant while still actively grieving is very difficult.
The truth isn't that pills or alcohol will dull the pain.
The truth is that they will merely postpone the reality you must eventually face in order to begin healing. However, if Your doctor feels that medication is necessary to help maintain your health, use it intelligently and according to his/her instructions. The truth isn't that once this is over your life will be the same.
The truth is that your upside-down world will slowly settle down, hopefully leaving you a more sensitive, compassionate person, better prepared to handle the hard times that everyone must deal with sooner or later. When you consider that you have just experienced one of the worst things that can happen to a family, as you heal you will become aware of how strong you are.
The truth isn't that grieving is morbid, or a sign of weakness or mental instability.
The truth is that grieving is work that must be done. Now is the appropriate time. Allow yourself the time. Feel it, flow with it. Try not to fight it too often. It will get easier if you expect that it is variable, that some days are better than others. Be patient with yourself. There are no short cuts to healing. The active grieving will be over when all the work is done.
The truth isn't that grief is all-consuming.
The truth is that in the midst of the most agonizing time of your life, there will be laughter. Don't feel guilty. Laugh if you want to. Just as you must allow yourself the time to grieve, you must also allow yourself the time to laugh.Viewing laughter as part of the healing process, just as overwhelming sadness is now, will make the pain more bearable. The truth isn't that one person can bear this alone.
The truth is that while only you can make the choices necessary to return to the mainstream of life a healed person, others in your life are also grieving and are feeling very helpless. As unfair as it may seem, the burden of remaining in contact with family and friends often falls on you. They are afraid to "butt in," or they may be fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. This makes them feel even more helpless. They need to be told honestly what they can do to help. They don't need to be told, "I'm doing fine" when you're really NOT doing fine. By allowing others to share in your pain and assist you with your needs, you will be comforted and they will feel less helpless.
The truth isn't that God must be punishing you for something.
The truth is that sometimes these things just happen. They have happened to many people before you, and they will happen to many people after you. This was not an act of any God; it was an act of Nature. It isn't fair to blame God, or yourself, or anyone else. Try to understand that it is human nature to look for a place to put the blame, especially when there are so few answers to the question, "Why?" Sometimes there are answers. Most times there are not. Believing that you are being punished will only get in the way of your healing. The truth isn't that you will be unable to make any choices or decisions during this time.
The truth is that while major decisions, such as moving or changing jobs, are better off being postponed for now, life goes on. It will be difficult, but decisions dealing with the death of your baby (seeing and naming the baby, arranging and/or attending a religious ritual, taking care of the nursery items you have acquired) are all choices you can make for yourself. Well-meaning people will try to shelter you from the pain of this. However, many of us who have suffered similar losses agree that these first decisions are very important. They help to make the loss real. Our brains filter out much of the pain early on as a way to protect us. Very soon after that, we find ourselves reliving the events over and over, trying to remember everything. This is another way that we acknowledge the loss. Until the loss is real, grieving cannot begin. Being involved at this early time will be a painful experience, but it will help you deal with your grief better as you progress by providing comforting memories of having performed loving, caring acts for your baby.
The truth isn't that you will be delighted to hear that a friend or other loved one has just given birth to a healthy baby.
The truth is that you may find it very difficult to be around mothers with young babies. You may be hurt, or angry, or jealous. You may wonder why you couldn't have had that joy. You may be resentful, or refuse to see friends with new babies. You may even secretly wish that the same thing would happen to someone else. You want someone to understand how it feels. You may also feel very ashamed that you could wish such things on people you love or care about, or think that you must be a dreadful person. You aren't. You're human, and even the most loving people can react this way when they are actively grieving. If the situations were reversed, your friends would be feeling and thinking the same things you are. Forgive yourself. It's OK. These feelings will eventually go away. The truth isn't that all marriages survive this difficult time.
The truth is that sometimes you might blame one another, resent one another, or dislike being with one another. If you find this happening, get help. There are self-help groups available or grief counselors who can help. Don't ignore it or tuck it away assuming it will get better. It won't. Actively grieving people cannot help one another. It is unrealistic, like having two people who were blinded at the same time teach each other Braille. Talking it out with others may help. It might even save your marriage.
The truth isn't that eventually you will accept the loss of your baby and forget all about this awful time.
The truth is that acceptance is a word reserved for the understanding you come to when you've successfully grieved the loss of a parent, or a grandparent, or a beloved older relative. When you lose a child, your whole future has been affected, not your past. No one can really accept that. But there is resolution in the form of healing and learning how to cope. You will survive. Many of us who have gone through this type of grief are afraid we might forget about our babies once we begin to heal. This won't happen. You will always remember your precious baby because successful grieving carves a place in your heart where he or she will live forever.
A Mother's Prayer/ Affirmation After Miscarriage
In this time of loss I call upon my spirit within to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion.
I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing.
During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my inner spirit but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort.
I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attentio to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely.
I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence.
In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing.
Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly.
Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me.
Let me find healing in the belief that this oul knew my love for it and that that love helped it to pass to another place.
Let me honor this short life not only with my love but in finding meaning in its existence.
Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who've experienced loss.
Let a part of this soul be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know it through them.
I will listen to and trust the place in my deepest heart that tells me I will once again be reunited with this soul and will fulfill the need to hold it in my arms.
I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there is a star in heaven that belongs to me.
by Stacey Dinner-Levin http://www.ivf.com/misc.html
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